All I ever had, I lost.
Everything that makes me smile, must be taken away from me. Everything I find beautiful manages to get destroyed by my ways. I don't know what to do, how to say it better, how to plea for divine forgiveness. I don't know how to be better, I don't know what to do to stop feeling this way.
I am tired of feeling empty, I am tired of keeping this wall so high, the sky cannot be seen.
I am tired of finding a smile in a sea of nothing and lose it for the sake of one mistake. Can destiny get any more cruel? Do I get to be anyone but me? Do I get to smile without the fear of losing everything by tomorrow? Do I get to experience shared joy? Isn't it the time just to be happy? Why would you give me one moment of pure bliss, then take it away from me? Can't I deserve better?
I am tired to destroy everything I touch. I am tired to open up and get crashed. I am tired to rise from ashes over and over again. I'm like a cat with 100 lives. When I think I lost it all, there I am, still alive.
I am tired of closing the doors and I earn to feel happiness again. I can't live in this agony of not feeling and then feeling and losing it.
they have everything they want and I have nothing.