duminică, 9 iulie 2017


They say hope breeds eternal misery. Whenever I have questions about my existence, I come back here. What is bigger than your own self? What lies above you, with the wings widespread, ready to embody you all? What keeps me alive and brings me back to life? Is it God or is it my guardian angel? Is God my guardian angel? Is my ego in another dimension, coming from the Past to make up for the mistakes or from the Future to warn me?
I don't know about others, but I can't write a dialogue, I can't make up a story, I simply write about myself and what crosses me, in relationship with others or not. My reality is twisted enough, so I can't bother to make up a better one. Twisted, deprived of senses, bitter, unforgettable, this is my life, and it never ceases to leave me breathless. the more I grow, the stronger they get. They who? The wings that push me to thrive and the wings that are there to guide me or console me.
In this life, you are born alone. You grow up alone and you die alone. Yes, you are surrounded by your parents and your temporary friends and foes and lovers. If you are blessed enough, you can find one person that can stick with you until the end. if not, you and your guardian's wings are the winning team. The win is relative. The win can only mean surviving through most of the hard obstacles. Sometimes, the win is composed of several, tiny joys. And sometimes, after all the inner torment and outter struggle, you thrive and push all the barriers and conquer them all. 
you feel like a winner only when you don't feel like showing off. you made it when you enjoy that simple feeling of peace. You look at the water in front of you and you can only hear the waves crushing, feel the sun on  your face and smell the salt of the sea. no more worries and no more "what ifs". you hold in your hand that one thing that makes you happy at heart: the hand of your lover, the hand of your mother, the hand of your child, the bag of your dreams, the card with all the money, your degree, the keys of the dream car or house. 
Just know that every material thing in life is perisable. you can have it today, but tomorrow, it can go back to being nothing. remember that every person that is not meant to be part of your life will go back to finding his/her way. remember that every prize you won by illegal means can come back to you. 
nothing is permanent and everything is temporary. and this is the greatest thing of them all.
you can basically do anything. you can start again and again, you can learn and you can do better or you can improve what is wrong. everything moves, everything evolves.